Hippo Territory: Archive

Feb 21st

Here’s a good Valentine’s Day tip: If you haven’t gotten a reservation at a fancy restaurant yet, set all your girlfriend/wife’s watches and clocks back one day so that she thinks Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. Then set your house on fire, run away to Europe, recruit a group of young children to pick-pocket tourists, and start your new life as a criminal mastermind....

Feb 14th

1 note

Feb 7th

Jan 23rd

Jan 16th

2 notes

Creative Differences

Normally when I disagree with someone, I’m right. But sometimes I think I’m right and then later I realize I wasn’t. For instance, my aunt used to have a Yankee themed party every year and she let me draw the invitations. One year I drew a Yankee pitcher in his windup and a bunch of people in the stands behind him hanging up signs with the letter ‘K’ on them (which is...

Dec 24th

1 note

Dec 14th

1 note

Dec 12th

Nov 19th

1 note

Nov 10th

Nov 9th

Nov 1st

Happy Halloween!

Dad: Are you going to be home for dinner tonight? Me: I’m not sure. Dad: We’re not. Me: Okay. Dad: Also we didn’t buy any candy. Me: Oh. Dad: So depending on when you get home you might want to turn all the lights off and pretend you’re not here.

Oct 31st

1 note

Oct 26th

The other day I was reading something about interns that said that interns should try to learn everything they can about the place they’re interning at. It made me realize that maybe I am not using the internship I’m currently doing to my full advantage, so today I decided to pick my editor’s brain. Me: What are those people doing over there? Editor: I don’t know; we just share the office with...

Oct 24th

Oct 22nd

I found a calendar from 2001 in my room. In 2001 I was ten. As un-busy as my life is now, it was even less busy back then. Here are all of the appointments I wrote in my 2001 New York Yankees: Pinstripes Past and Present calendar: April 14: David Justice’s birthday April 26: Derek Jeter’s birthday June 26: Derek Jeter’s birthday September 15: Water cacti September 29: Water cacti No...

Oct 21st

3 notes

Oct 13th

Oct 5th

Oct 3rd

Sep 26th

Sep 14th

1 note

Jul 21st

Oh man, I already promoted my new blog that I write with Kevin and Max “Blogs” Fox on my Twitter and my Facebook, but I totally forgot that I had this blog that I could also use to promote the other blog. Maybe I’ll put a link to this blog on that blog too and then you can click back and forth between the two blogs and give me all the internet traffic. I’m so savvy with the...

Jul 10th

Jun 30th

Here's an opinion I have:

I’m not crazy about reality TV competition shows (Jeremiah for President of Controversial Opinions in 2011!) but if I’m going to watch one of them (and I am, because I’m really bored and I don’t know how to read) I would rather it be judged by professionals in the field of whatever the contest is. So, for example, I’m not a huge fan of the idea of a talent...

Jun 30th

Things I learned from watching an entire season of...

1) If you think you might be gay you just need to look at a naked man and realize that men are gross and then you’ll be normal again. 2) Jews are weird. 3) If you don’t want your baby you can just give it to somebody else and there are no legal repercussions. 4) Denis Leary is the most desirable man on the planet and all women throw themselves at him constantly. 5) If you need to...

Jun 17th

Jun 11th

1 note

Jun 11th

Jun 5th

May 30th

1 note

Hey, guys, you remember college? What a great time! Even though college seems like a thousand seconds ago, I still remember parts of it. Some parts I remember fondly, like the part where I hit a double in intramural softball or the part where I ordered a pizza and it was really good. Other parts I remember less fondly, like when I was jumped by the Environmental Action Club and put in a two-week...

May 27th

May 10th

Show This Post To The Judge When I Get Charged...

So I’m in the library trying to finish two of my remaining three final papers (just kidding, I’m reading the internet) and two girls in my area are having literally THE MOST INFURIATING CONVERSATION EVER. Don’t believe me? Here is a partial transcript of it. It’s not exact because I didn’t realize I should be writing this down until about halfway through, but I did my best: Girl 1: I was in...

May 5th

Apr 6th

Apr 5th

RMS

http://skidmoreunofficial.com/archives/6037 http://SkidmoreUnofficial.com/archives/6009

Mar 29th

I Have A Dream

I have a dream that I live in a nation where I am judged not by the color of my skin but by the content of my character and the nation is my middle school playground and Missy Elliot is chasing me around with a wiffleball bat and also I’m naked. It’s recurring.

Mar 28th

Read My Shit

http://SkidmoreUnofficial.com/archives/5953 http://SkidmoreUnofficial.com/archives/5911 http://SkidmoreUnofficial.com/archives/5829 http://SkidmoreUnofficial.com/archives/5800

Mar 22nd

This is why you proofread:

While reading over a cover letter I wrote for an internship I’m applying for, I decided to change “I look forward to speaking with someone within your company” to “I look forward to speaking with you.” When I read it over for a second time, I realized that I had changed it to “I look forward to speaking with someone within you.” “Man, this kid...

Mar 9th

Feb 9th

Read My Shit

http://SkidmoreUnofficial.com/archives/5384

Feb 8th

Win One for the Charles

One of the big (“big”) stories (“stories”) of the Super Bowl is how Charles Woodson, who was injured during the first half, delivered an emotional speech in the locker room during half time that inspired his team. From Yahoo! Sports: “Just as he had after the Green Bay Packers won the NFC championship, Charles Woodson(notes) stood in the locker room and addressed...

Feb 7th

I hate a lot of things, but I just had the somewhat comforting realization that there is one thing I hate more than anything else. It’s something that happens all the time in TV shows and movies. Rather than try to explain it, I’ll just give an example from the unbelievably overrated British TV show Skins. Tony has been out all night looking for his sister, Effy, who he suspects is...

Feb 7th

On Titus Andronicus

“This is the stupidest, most uninspired play ever written.” -T.S. Eliot “So much happens that I was like woah.” -A girl in my class

Jan 27th

You Weren't Going to Watch it Anyway

I use my parents’ Netflix account quite a bit to watch movies online. Unfortunately, I’ve pretty much used up all the good movies that they have available, so now I watch bad movies. I’ve decided I’m going to summarize and review some of these movies in a feature I am calling: You Weren’t Going To Watch It Anyway. Today’s movie: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes, which came out around...

Jan 22nd

A Day in the Life of Pradeep Gulati

Yesterday I received six phone calls from people looking for Pradeep Gulati. This confused me somewhat because my name is not Pradeep Gulati and also because four of the six calls were from an insurance agency. Although the calls seem to have stopped, the questions linger in my mind. Who is Pradeep Gulati? Why did he give everybody my phone number and say it was his phone number? Why does he...

Jan 8th

Dec 26th